Discussion in 'Spam' started by Sie_Sayoka, Feb 13, 2017.
I was of the gay, nice
o no im dead
rest in pieces
the Matts will rule the world
04: The Cripple Retard Miracle
Tate married a frail wife as well. With how the inheritance mechanics work in this game it doesn't look very promising for their children.
To cure his various afflictions the court physician operated on Tate. However either through ignorance or malice Tate loses his eye in the treatment.
We take revenge on the Kashgar as they are preoccupied with a Buddhist uprising. We set our sights on the county of Loulan, the closest province near us.
Along with our Khotan and Uyghur allies our forces take hold of the defenseless Kashgar holdings. The various rebel bands of Buddhists blocking their way of reinforcements.
Matt III and saccharin III are born.
The Kashgar, overwhelmed and on the brink of collapse eagerly accept our terms of surrender.
Mai III, being raised by the Uyghurs as a hostage has come to regard their culture over ours. He seeks to conquer our kingdom by force and recruits warriors to invade.
Blackjack IV is born.
Tate has contracted gout.
The court physician is once again summoned to remove the incredible pains felt in Tate's feet. However, somehow he loses a hand in the operation.
The marauders that we gave the Anxi province to were not placated by our generous gesture. They seek to conquer the entirety of our kingdom for themselves.
At the same time mai III decides to strike us.
However with our powerful Uyghur allies the Anxi easily fall.
Likewise after a string of defeats and a lengthy chase in northern Pakistan, mai III is captured.
We banish mai III from the realm and seize his assets worth a sizable amount of gold.
Tate's health is constantly tested as new diseases frequently afflict him. He contracts dysentery.
The court physician manages to cure him without any amputations.
Mai III, humiliated and vengeful, once again sets out to invade us.
But he is defeated once again and a larger treasure is confiscated.
The Anxi have given us enough trouble as it is. It's now time to reclaim our rightful lands.
We hire a band of mercenary Buddhist monks to join us and greatly outnumber the Anxi.
Meanwhile Tate's health once again turns for the worse. The treatment the court physician prescribed turns him crazy.
The Anxi are defeated and we reclaim the Anxi province.
Having secured Anxi province we now create the Duchy of Kumul. No longer are we are mere count but we are now a duke. Being a duke grants us several perks such as increased technology gain.
Our Khotan allies grow weary of our rapid expansion and dissolve our alliance. Had they stayed loyal to us we would have helped them with defending their lands against invaders.
The Qocho, formerly the small Turtam province, have grown strong with the aid of foreign mercenaries. They have conquered the Kroram and pushed back the Kashgar.
WizardOfOrz IV, mai IV, and Mormolycia IV are born.
An Uyghur raiding party appears at our capitol. Although we are allied to the Uyghur Khagan (emperor) the Khans (kings) act mostly independently and can raid neighboring countries that are not the same religion as them. In this case the khan to our immediate north sends a force that we have no way of defeating.
Our diplomatic options are exhausted and we have no choice but to let them have their way with our capitol. Unfortunately this sets our economy back by a lot as we must rebuild walls and trade posts.
Tate has the cancer.
The cancer, being confined to his leg, is removed. Although Tate mourns the loss of his leg it is much better than the alternative.
Matt III isn't as lucky.
Being one-eyed, one-legged, and one-handed makes one have a strange affinity to parrots for some reason.
To further help with Tate's health the court physician takes his last appendage.
Dice Dragon IV is born.
Hotan (formerly Qocho) raiders appear on our border province and are looting our cities. We retaliate by declaring a holy war against the Hotan. Conquering the province of Karashar will split their kingdom, weakening them greatly.
We decisively defeat the Hotan in the first major battle.
The Hotan king foolishly led his armies into battle and was captured in the route. We ransom him back in turn for handing over Karashar.
Aside from being a retarded cripple, Tate is also a furry.
Space Fish IV is born.
The old Hotan king is dead after being wounded in the battle. The truce treaties are now void and we attack the province of Qocho which is cut off from the rest of the Hotan kingdom.
However, the sneaky Kashgar see that our forces are preoccupied with invasion and declare war on us.
Before Tate can see the wars through he dies from the great pox. It's a miracle that his frail and disease-ridden body lasted for 70 years, far beyond that of his healthy predecessors. Similarly, despite being an imbecile he guided the country to unparalleled levels of prosperity and expansion. Truly he is the first great ruler of the Anxi Protectorate.
Dice Dragon III assumes the throne. However, I purposefully kept the amount of male heirs down because of the gavelkind succession. Since Dice Dragon only has a daughter, the heir to the dynasty is the old and still banished mai III. We need new male heirs or else the dynasty is threatened to become extinct.
Dice Dragon takes two concubines in addition to his wife and swiftly produces male heirs.
The Kashgar are pushed back and defeated.
Saccharin IV, Blackjack V, and WizardOfOrz V are born.
Dice Dragon manages to conquer the Qocho adding their capitol to our realm.
We now control half of the Tarim Basin. Our economy is prospering and we are able to field large enough armies to defend ourselves. The kingdoms of Kashgar and Hotan should fall soon. However great changes occurred to our north. The Uyghur Khaganate has fractured and our alliances with them are void. We are unable to garner alliances with these new nomad states because the only unmarried members of our dynasty are still infants. Hopefully none of them attack us until we are able to marry into their ranks.
@Sie_Sayoka do i lose any limbs because of that burn heal....
You lost your dick too.
Tate the Eunuch
Make me king and we kick ass, easy
05: The Four Kings
With the efforts of the late Tate III in play, the realm prospers.
Mai V and Mormolycia V are born.
We set out to reclaim the province of Kumul, one of the Tarim states that fell to the nomads.
We have no trouble seizing the lands and forcing the weak khagan of the Eldecyukid to agree to our terms whilst the rest of his empire is ravaged by his neighboring nomads.
Dice Dragon's health takes a turn for the worse as he is bed ridden.
He soon passes on his deathbed and his heir is the child Tate IV.
Tate IV contracts dysentery.
Tate VI dies of dysentery.
Matt IV, Tate's younger brother assumes the throne. Because truces are void after death of a ruler we are free to attack the ever-shrinking empire of the Eldecyukid. We attack the open pastures of the north to create buffer-provinces from the ever increasing raiders.
Saccharin IV, our half-brother and count, similarly does the same of his own accord. He attacks the Uzumcu, another weak khaganate and takes their land as his own.
The nomads, landless and vengeful, create an army to seize lands from our kingdom.
After a decisive victory over the barbarian hordes they capitulate.
Dice Dragon V is born.
We reign victorious over the Eldecyukid and they turn over Aj Bogd to us.
Matt is now an adult and takes a wife and 3 concubines. Subsequently he fields many children. Space Fish V, Tate V, matt V, saccharin V, Blackjack VI, WizardOfOrz VI, mai VI, Mormolycia VI, and Dice Dragon VI are born.
The Kashgar and Hotan fight amongst themselves.
We seize this opportunity and attack the losing Kashgar.
Matt, suffering from the flu goes to the court physician for a remedy. The physician then prescribes alcohol as an acceptable cure and Matt becomes a drunkard.
In a delirious drunken fever-induced stupor matt slowly loses his mind.
Meanwhile the Kashgar lose the majority of their lands to the Hotan. With Kucha as their last province that we occupy they regrettably surrender the last of their titles.
Shortly after Matt IV dies from his stomach sickness and the child Matt V assumes the throne. This proves to be very problematic for us as all of our castle holdings pass to his numerous sons, weakening the number of available soldiers we are able to field.
Space Fish VI is born.
The Hotan, emboldened by their recent victories over the Kashgar set their sights on the neighboring Syr Darya kingdom to their east. With them losing the war against the muslims we attack their province of Charkliq.
Tate VI, matt VI, and saccharin VI are born.
Unfortunately the Hotan seem to be great warriors and are able to amass armies that outnumber us. We are unable to receive aid from our Uyghur allies as they are either preoccupied with wars or weary of our rapid expansions.
With no options available we must concede defeat to the Hotan. War reparations leave us in incredible debt and it will take a few years to recover from this humiliating loss.
The Uyghur Empire has effectively been split into eastern and western halves. We are allied with the western Uyghurs but are unable to obtain an alliance from the easterners. With only the western Uyghurs as our allies we set our sights further and obtain an alliance with the vast and powerful Yarghumakh Khanate that stretches out to eastern Europe. However because of their size they are constantly at war and may not be able to aid us in times of need. Our kingdom has expanded quite well and I hope that we are ready to combat the Hotan once our truce has expired.
06: The Murderers
Not going to show the births of new children since there's too many with concubines. However, I will keep naming conventions.
To ensure that our holdings do not get split amongst our sons we change the succession law to primogeniture. Only the first-born son will inherit the lands, in this case Tate VI.
We learn that Dice Dragon is trying to kill matt V. We seek to imprison him.
Dice Dragon is quickly arrested by our guards and placed within the deepest part of our dungeons. The rats and filth that surround him ensure that his life will be short. Because he has no heirs his county will transfer to us on his death.
The truce with the Hotan has expired and we have recovered enough from our humiliating defeat to seek vengeance. We attack them again.
However, the Hotan too have been preparing and have hired a mercenary band to bolster their numbers. Our forces, even though we have hired warrior monks, can't match theirs and we observe them from afar as they siege our holdings.
Our allies soon arrive and we win a string of victories against the barbarian Hotan.
They surrender and our honor is restored.
Meanwhile Dice Dragon finally succumbs to the horrid conditions of the dungeon.
Although we have gained a victory over the Hotan, their royalty married into the Uyghurs. When the last child-king of the Hotan died the Uyghurs inherited Hotan. This proves to be quite a problem as we are not yet strong enough to take on the Uyghur Khaganate yet and we have no where else to expand to.
Since we can't advance militarily we do so with subterfuge. By assassinating the Uyghur Khagan perhaps we can encourage their client states to declare independence on his death.
We successfully kill the Khagan and the empire fragments.
Meanwhile we kill another Dice Dragon that conspires to rebel against us. However we are exposed and now the whole world knows we are a kinslayer. We get extremely harsh opinion ratings from everyone within our dynasty.
Having suffered from gout for several years the court physician decided to amputate.
Matt is now known as the legless.
We now set our sights on the many fragmented states of the Uyghur.
Without the protection from the Uyghurs they fall easily.
The ghost of Dice Dragon gets revenge. Matt's family conspires to kill him and succeeds.
Matt passes and Tate VI takes the throne.
Mormolycia VII, outraged from the recent succession law change flees the country to raise forces in another land.
We conspire to murder another Khagan.
Our orders are stealthily carried out and the Uyghur Empire is further fragmented.
Many of the Tarim States gain independence which we quickly subjugate.
Another Khagan falls.
Mormolycia VII invades but is easily repulsed.
Like mai before him, we seize his assets and banish him from the realm.
Despite both of his parents having the attractive trait, Blackjack is ugly.
The humiliated Mormolycia returns with an army. But is again defeated and imprisoned.
The riches received help further build our kingdom.
Having conquered the majority of the Tarim Basin we now declare a true kingdom, the Khanate of Khotan is established. Tate VI is no longer a mere duke but a true king.
More Khagans fall as we loosen their grip on the remaining Tarim States.
We invade our old Hotan nemesis as soon as they declare independence.
But all good things must come to an end eventually. Our prosperity as a kingdom and trade along the silk road brings many people from around the world to our markets. One such merchant that came from the east arrives with a sickness that quickly spreads, killing any it infects. The black death is upon us.
Tate, seeing the horrifying effects the plague has upon its victims, shuts the gates to his castle letting no one in nor out.
However the bastard child mai IX starts to exhibit signs of the plague. Tate removes her from the castle without hesitation.
Tate's suspicions were correct and mai soon succumbs to the plague.
Despite 3/4 of our entire army succumbing to the plague they manage to storm the last castle of the Hotan bringing them under our rule.
Tate has been locked in his castle for over a year and the food supplies are starting to run low.
Although it started in our kingdom a few years ago, the plague spreads like wildfire throughout the known world. Millions die and we are not an exception, trade and commerce grind to a halt as our people starve and slowly die.
We discover matt VIII raiding the last of our food stores. We let her get away with it the first time since she is Tate's daughter but it happens again. Tate locks her in the dungeon where she can eat rats.
The worst of the plague has subsided and we open the gates again. However, like his father, Tate is tormented by gout which eventually takes his life. Mormolycia IX takes the throne.
Saccharin VIII dies of cancer.
As soon as he reached adult-hood Mormolycia IX contracts pneumonia and passes. All hail his brother, Space Fish IX.
We manage to conquer all of the Tarim States and severely weaken the Uyghurs. The nomad tribes to their center and the Muslim states to their south declare independence. However, the Uyghurs are still a formidable enemy and partaking in battle against them will prove disastrous as we have no allies currently. With control of several states along the start of the silk road our economy is flourishing. Our next moves will be to build up our kingdom's holdings with that silk road gold to enable us to field more men.
yaaas girl kill them all!!!! be the harbringer of deat-
07: Conquest of the Uyghur
We now begin to assimilate the fragmented states of the Uyghur Empire. With each death of the Khagan more and more states declare independence and are hapless to stop our unified Tarim Kingdom.
I've been working on a eugenics program for our royal family. For several generations I've been trying to breed the genius, strong, and attractive traits into the royal bloodline. The chance of our children receiving these traits are relatively rare and of the 10+ children to be born of Space Fish IX, only his two youngest sons have received the genius trait. We crown Blackjack XII as our new heir, much to the chagrin of Tate XI, our former heir.
We acquire vast swaths uncultivated pastures of the nomads. However, we must build holdings on it in order to prevent the nomads from retaking it on succession.
We gave Tate VIII such a province but only the current ruler may build holdings on it which Tate can not. We must kill him in order to prevent our newly conquered lands from falling into nomad hands.
Tate mysteriously dies from a deadly fall. We all grieve this loss.
Space Fish's complexion grows pale and he begins to speak an unknown language whilst frothing at the mouth.
Now that the majority of the splintered states are within our kingdom we plan to destabilize the Uyghurs in preparation for an invasion. The Khagan falls and the new Khagan must deal with malcontent advisors and vassals.
We easily crush the weakened and demoralized Uyghur armies. We are now the strongest power within the region, conquering our neighbors will be an easy task.
At the age of 57, Space Fish grows fearful of the ever-encroaching death. He calls for a meeting of his most wise and trusted advisors to converse on the matter.
We send our youngest son, Mormolycia XIII to search for immortality.
We are betrayed by Mormolycia as he attempts to extort a laughable amount of money in return for further pursuing immortality. Space Fish chastises him and Mormolycia is sent away again.
Yet not long after Mormolycia leaves the castle gates Space Fish succumbs to old age. Blackjack XII assumes the throne.
Despite both of her parents being geniuses somehow saccharin XIII is retarded. Maybe a midwife dropped her on her head.
All the wits in the world could not have saved Blackjack from sickness. He passes after only a brief reign. Dice Dragon XIII, having the genius trait as well, takes up his father's throne.
With the threat of raiding from the nomads eliminated, trade flourishes and our economy prospers.
Space Fish has an incestuous relationship with WizardOfOrz !!
Space Fish takes the seduction focus, getting his johnson in anything he can.
Dice Dragon gets cucked.
Enraged by his wife's infidelity, Dice Dragon sends out guards to arrest Space Fish.
But Space Fish manages to elude his captors and raises a rebellion.
His armies are quickly overwhelmed and he is imprisoned, being sent to the deepest dungeon to rot away.
As we carve up the Uyghur Empire the Hindi kingdom, Cedi take advantage as well. We will have to deal with them after the Uyghurs.
Smallpox ravages the countryside killing thousands.
We close the gates to prevent the sickness of the commoners to reach us.
Although the smallpox epidemic subsides, Dice Dragon slips and falls on his head, killing him. Space Fish XIV takes the throne in his stead.
Tate contracts leprosy, leaving him hideously disfigured and misshapen.
Saccharin once again receives ugliness.
Our kingdom is expanding rapidly in the wake of the Uyghur decline. Our power is left unchecked and we are free to expand in any direction we choose. We can continue conquering to the west until we reach the Rus and Europe or go south to fight the Persian Shahdom of Salumid and reach India.
they did u wrong sach
Yeah he was removed as heir because he was ugly.
wtf why am i always catchin shit...
08: The March Westward
We begin conquering the west with the invasion of the Cedi Kingdom. They pose the largest threat due to their insulated holdings in the Indian heartlands where they can raise large armies.
Their armies outnumber us 2 to 1.
In our first major battle we suffer a crushing defeat.
However we rally our forces and meet them at the battlefield once more. Due to our superior technology we are able to hold against overwhelming numbers and push them back.
We ally ourselves with the Jain Pratihara Kingdom to force the Cedi to fight on two fronts.
With the Cedi forces spread thin we manage to force them to surrender, expelling them from our warpath.
WizardOfOrz dies in childbirth. I'm pretty sure in all 16 incarnations he was never born as a male.
Meanwhile Blackjack starts expanding on his own. Although he started with only a single county he invades the surrounding nomads taking several of their provinces.
He does all this whilst being mentally challenged.
Although the Cedi were defeated they still pose a considerable threat. We attack them again with a claimant that has claims for their Indian holdings.
Our armies once again prove their worth. They defend against an overwhelming foe and manage to score a victory.
However, whilst we are fighting against the Cedi the scumbag Persian Salumid Kingdom attacks us.
This will be our toughest foe yet. Even though our kingdom is far larger than theirs our lands are sparsely populated and recently settled. Our armies will not be able to match the numbers of theirs and we risk being overrun.
Luckily we have many allies (yellow) that will help bolster our numbers in the coming battles. We also hire mercenaries and holy orders to add to our armies. Hopefully they will attack both in the north and the east.
We score a decisive victory in the first battle, slaughtering 3/4 of their forces.
After retreating for several months they return to avenge their fallen. However we are able to repulse them once again scoring another major victory.
We obtain victory in both wars but at a heavy cost. Years of fighting has drained both our manpower and economy.
From our victory over the Cedi we gain many of their provinces scattered around India.
Age overcomes Space Fish as he gets sent to the great toilet bowl in the sky. Mormolycia XVI takes his father's throne.
Too bad he got cucked.
Mormolycia assumes the throne during an epidemic of measles. Fearful that it may spread to the entire court he throws matt outside of the city walls.
He does the same with anyone that exhibits symptoms of the disease regardless of familial ties. WizardOfOrz and Dice Dragon are also carried off beyond the walls as they slow succumb to measles.
The disease spreads throughout the heartlands of the kingdom ravishing our people and economy.
The Salumids, not disheartened by their recent defeat, take advantage of our weakness and declare another holy war.
Mai, although not stricken with measles, contracts dysentery due to the poor hygiene of the infected capitol and shortly dies thereafter.
We manage to win the second holy war against the Salumids as measles spread throughout their empire, weakening them.
Saccharin isn't ugly this time but was reincarnated as an imbecile. It seems the eugenics program isn't going as planned as her mother was a genius.
Our list of available allies grows smaller as our power grows. We also see a number of kingdoms preemptively strike against us as a deterrent for future expansions near their borders. Since conquering kingdoms raises our threat level and allows for numerous nations to enter defensive pacts against us, we should try to take control of kingdoms diplomatically as well. We marry matt XIX, our heir, to a Pratihara queen. The Pratihara Kingdom was recently splintered due to their gavelkind succession laws and 3 kingdoms emerged as successors.
The Gujarat Kingdom, another successor to the Pratihara, is owned by Chachinidevi's sister, Pratha. However, as she does not have any children yet her heir is Chachinidevi.
We assassinate Pratha and ensure that the Gujarat Kingdom falls into Chachinidevi's hands.
The Pratihara Kingdom doubles overnight. Hopefully, if everything goes well, Mormolycia's grandson will be able to inherit both the Pratihara and Khotan kingdoms.
We have slowly expanded westward, taking pieces of the remaining nomad empires along the way. The Uyghurs are completely assimilated into our Kingdom. Very soon we will reach the borders of the formidable Rus and Byzantine Empires. However it is not the year 1024 and we have nearly 100 years to prepare for the dreaded Mongol invasions.
when will mai come 2 rule again...
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